Your grand-daughter is getting so big. She laughs all the time, smiles, waves, and claps at everyone, gives the best snuggles, and is constantly saying “dadadada.” She has hazel eyes that look really green on some days–especially in the sun. Her cheeks are perfectly round and rosy! & her lips are going to be big like mine. She’s independent, loves music, and brings more joy to my life than I could have ever imagined.
Momma… I wish you were here to be her grandma. I wish I could call you and ask about when I first started walking, talk to you about teething, and listen to your stories about being a young mom.
I wish I could ask you how you managed to work, take care of us three kids, and do everything else on your own. I have Sammy (who I wish you could have met too) to call and lean on when life gets tough and being a momma wears on my heart. He isn’t always around, but at least I always have the phone to call and talk to him. How’d you do it, momma? How’d you do so much without any help?
Momma… I wish I could go back and be grateful, say thank you, and show you how much I appreciate you. I wish you could know how much I am in awe of the mothering you did–alone.
I wish I could call you and tell you to stop giving her sugar… that she can only have 1 treat today. That she needs to nap because we have a big afternoon ahead of us. I wish I could drop her off to you on my way to my new job. That I could pick her up from your house and sit around and chat about all the things you two did together. I wish I could see you be a grandma, because I know you’d be the very best one.
Momma… I know Heaven is better than here, but I still need you. I need you to help me through this adventure, I need your guidance, your assurance, and probably a little snuggle time too. I need you to hold me when I feel like I am failing my daughter and tell me that I am doing the best job I possibly can.
I still need you, Momma, even though I’m a momma now too.